The Purity Sessions

From the moment my book Every Man’s Battle was released, men’s small groups became God’s spearhead on the front lines of this purity battle, enabling brothers to team up to run this gauntlet together, shoulder-to-shoulder and back-to-back. While I never personally had my own accountability partners or friends at my side during my own days on the battlefront, it soon became clear to me that small group community was the best place a man could engage this battle.

Until now, I’ve only been able to help small groups indirectly in book form, since I’m only one guy. With these DVD’s, I’ve just replicated myself thousands of times over and I can now be out there strengthening these small group communities and the men that live in them. I can also share current, critical information that never made it into Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle, information that can help you drive the final nail into impurity’s coffin.

Is it really possible to drive in that final nail on this side of heaven, and to live in total victory over sexual sin?

If you’re asking this question, you aren’t alone. Many Christian men wonder aloud if freedom is even possible for us. I answer with an emphatic yes during the first session of this four-disc series. Victory is not only possible, but normal for you as a Christian man. It is your destiny as a son of God.

Whether or not you are part of a men’s group, you need to know these truths in the deepest reaches of your heart. Pick up a copy for yourself, or for your son, nephew, brother or friend, but get out on the front lines and make a difference out there for those who are wounded by sexual sin.

Fred Stoeker
http://www.fredstoeker.com

A Hero is Born

Hi Fred,

When I was in college, I read a review of your book Hero (from a member of the band Downhere) and I knew I had to get it. I went to order it and found it wasn’t released yet, but I could pre-order it! So I did. That means I have an autographed copy, so that’s cool!

I loved that book. It helped me on my journey to purity for sure. I read it multiple times. Now, I am proud to say that I’m a few years into marriage and when I was dating my wife, I was a hero and we waited to have our first kiss at our wedding. I’m proud of that. Not proud because I think I’m so great, but proud because I’m impressed by this in anyone and thankful that I can say it of myself, by God’s grace.

Many battles have been won, but the war is never over, and I’m reading Hero again! I am encouraged by it still.

I wanted to write to say thank you and to ask how things are going. How’s Jasen and Rose? I always loved their stories and contributions to the book. I hope you are thriving in purity as well. I imagine the powers of this world try their best to hit you hard.

Zach

Hi, Zach,

Jasen and Rose are doing great. They have two wonderful daughters and then their youngest, a boy. They are very happy and are running with God like always, staying pure and true.

As for me, I’m about to celebrate my 35 wedding anniversary with the most wonderful woman I’ve yet met! Yes, my purity is definitely intact and I count that as one of the kindest things God has ever done for me.

I appreciate your wonderful words, Zach, and I’m proud to call you my brother in Christ. Way to go, and give my regards to your wife!

Fred Stoeker

Awesome! Thanks, Fred, for the reply 🙂

I just finished my re-reading of Hero last night. We have a 15 month old son, and I am excited to go through that book with him someday! Thank you!

As I read the book, I was struck again by how blessed I was in high school to be surrounded by other kids who really did share the high standards I have today, and their example was so important in setting me on the right path.

And have a great anniversary!

Zach

Every Young Woman’s Battle

I am starting a new group of 8th, 9th, and 10th grade girls in my purity class this spring at my Lutheran church, as my sessions this past autumn were awesome! I had 3 seniors and 3 juniors in the class then, and it was quite eye-opening to listen to their stories of what they are exposed to every day at school. Most of them personally know someone who has either had a pregnancy “scare”, become pregnant, or had an abortion. This makes me so sad for our young Christian believers. They face so many challenges at this young age and they are not equipped to handle it. Every upper class girl LOVED the book. They thought it was amazing, and especially liked the fact that the book never sugar coats anything or talks down to them about sex and the devastating effects it can have on your future marriage. They also loved hearing God’s truth on dating and sex and why He really wants us to wait.

Thank you so much for your wonderful books. I have all but one of the Battle series books, and they do such a great job of addressing the topic of purity and sex while honoring God. I would not be able to teach this class without Every Young Woman’s Battle!

The Purity Sessions

From the moment my book Every Man’s Battle was released, men’s small groups became God’s spearhead on the front lines of this purity battle, enabling brothers to team up to run this gauntlet together, shoulder-to-shoulder and back-to-back. While I never personally had my own accountability partners or friends at my side during my own days on the battlefront, it soon became clear to me that small group community was the best place a man could engage this battle.

Until now, I’ve only been able to help small groups indirectly in book form, since I’m only one guy. With these DVD’s, I’ve just replicated myself thousands of times over and I can now be out there strengthening these small group communities and the men that live in them. I can also share current, critical information that never made it into Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle, information that can help you drive the final nail into impurity’s coffin.

Is it really possible to drive in that final nail on this side of heaven, and to live in total victory over sexual sin?

If you’re asking this question, you aren’t alone. Many Christian men wonder aloud if freedom is even possible for us. I answer with an emphatic yes during the first session of this four-disc series. Victory is not only possible, but normal for you as a Christian man. It is your destiny as a son of God.

Whether or not you are part of a men’s group, you need to know these truths in the deepest reaches of your heart. Pick up a copy for yourself, or for your son, nephew, brother or friend, but get out on the front lines and make a difference out there for those who are wounded by sexual sin.

Fred Stoeker
http://www.fredstoeker.com

Finding Authentic Manhood

I am going to be twenty in August and have been hooked on porn since I was ten. I was introduced at such a young age that I was masturbating before my body even could ejaculate. I ended up having sex with three women altogether over the course of high school and my first semester in college and was ashamed and guilty, regretting all three because I knew I used them selfishly. I never realized until a year or two ago how much future damage I was causing myself emotionally, spiritually and physically to my relationships, marriage, etc. I was such a hypocrite and so sick and tired of it that I finally started making incremental changes in my life, but it wasn’t enough I’d always fall back into my old ways. Dropping out of the fraternity at my college last spring was the first big starting point, though, and I also decided to make my faith my own by joining two Christian groups on campus, reading my Bible daily and attending church regularly. I was given the Every Young Man’s Battle book by my Young Life leader last spring and I hadn’t read it yet, primarily because I was putting it off, because I knew that after I read it I would want to change, and there would be no more porn for me or masturbating.
I finally decided to read it this summer while I was in Africa for three weeks on a mission trip to spread the gospel and talk about human trafficking. I never even thought I was going to read it at all on this trip, but for some reason I just sub-consciously thought to bring some reading material for the plane ride and it was one of the books I grabbed. When I started reading it, I couldn’t put it back down.
I love books written in this style. It’s as if we were actually sitting down speaking to one another. I’ve tried many other things to help such, as accountability websites and partners. I even told my close friends, but we all struggled with it, so whenever one person went down, we all would because then we would know we would get a “freebie”. I was never all in or fully committed to stopping until now. This book is the best of its kind, and I’ve taken so much from it. I’ve recently realized deeply that no worldly thing (drugs, sex, porn, girlfriends, alcohol, etc.) can fill the hole in all our hearts, that feeling where you just know something is missing. It’s a loneliness that nothing of this world can satisfy. If nothing from this world can satisfy it then we know that the only thing that can satisfy our pit in our soul is something not from this world. That something is Jesus Christ and His love and grace for us and our intimate relationship with God.
After reading Every Young Man’s Battle, I’m so excited to fully integrate my sexuality into my life and I’m ready to be a hero to my future girlfriends or girlfriend and leave them better off if we ever part paths. I’m ready for purity and I know this was God’s perfect timing for me to read this. It has been three weeks already having not watched any porn and I’ve began training my eyes to bounce. The bondage is already definitely being lifted, and although I’m sad I had to learn the hard way, I’m not wallowing in shame and guilt anymore. I’m inexplicably excited to be an authentic man for God, my future wife and kids. I only just wish I read this when I was much younger. I also can’t wait to have my brother read this next, and I’m buying the Every Young Woman’s Battle for my sister, andn I’m undoubtedly going to go through both of these books one day with my girlfriend. God bless you and your family, Fred! I’m looking forward to checking out your books, Tactics and Hero, next.

Every Man’s Marriage Changed Him on a Dime

I am not married, but I have been dating a man in Christian ministry for about two years. I was ready to call it quits because something just wasn’t right in the way things were going between us. Our counselor suggested your book Every Man’s Marriage, so I purchased it for my boyfriend.
But I read it first, and once I started reading I was so amazed with the content that I couldn’t put it down. I then gave it to my boyfriend, but he didn’t read it right away and put it on his shelf. Recently he went through something that caused him a lot of pain and he went out of town to take a breather and started to pray and ask for healing. Gratefully, he took the book with him and finally started reading it two months after I gave it to him.
I am overwhelmed at his response to the book. He once even called me at 3:00 a.m. to discuss the content, he was so transformed. This book has changed our lives completely. Today was the best day that I have ever had with him. I had told my sister after reading the book, “If my boyfriend would just read Every Man’s Marriage, things might finally work out between us.” It turns out, I was absolutely correct.
He has apologized for everything in the way he’d been treating me and he has even reflected on many mistakes he has made in his past relationships with women now that he understands the truth. We had studied forgiveness and he had asked me for forgiveness in the past, but Every Man’s Marriage helped him understand clearly what he needed forgiveness for, which allowed him to have a breakthrough in understanding and in his behavior towards me. It is also helping him with the marriage counseling he does with couples at his church. Thank you for being open and doing the research required to write this book. This book is truly amazing. I am so happy right now that I don’t know what to do!

Engaging the Battle for Keeps

I first wanted to thank you for your Every Man’s Battle series. It really has impacted my battle for purity.

I wanted to share a story with you because I feel it fits well with your book Tactics and it became my “Merle Hay Moment”. While reading Tactics late one night, I was suddenly distracted by the sound of my neighbors having sex. Since my apartment was completely quiet, I was able to hear every word and movement. I tried to ignore it, but I’m easily distracted while reading. Suddenly, a fit of rage took control of me. How dare Satan try to tempt me while reading the very book that is pointing out all of his lies? How dare Satan lie to these two young people and convince them to sleep together? That was someone’s future wife and someone’s future husband engaging each other in sexual intercourse next door!

Then my anger turned on myself. I was angry that I could find so much wrong with what these two people were doing, and yet I couldn’t make the necessary sacrifices to overcoming my own impurity with pornography and masturbation. I hope I will be the lucky husband of a beautiful woman some day, yet I’ve been spending my “lonely” time staring at pictures of OTHER naked women and masturbating. How fair is that to my future wife and our relationship together?

Since that moment, the thought of pornography and masturbation disgust me. It’s only been a week since, but I haven’t had the slightest urge or desire to engage in those acts. The next time I face temptation, my willingness to fight against Satan is about more than just me and my salvation. It’s about protecting the gift God so graciously gave to me so that one day, I can give that gift to my future spouse as my ultimate sign of love and thanksgiving for the gift from God she will be. I’ve realized that my life now is just as much her life as it will be once we’re married.

Again, thank you for your efforts in writing the Every Man’s Battle series. I’m confident that as I take the steps you suggested to fight the good fight, I can remain clean.

Men, Be Men. Lead.

I started reading through Hero and I have decided to pursue a new standard of purity in my life. It is commonplace in my fiancé’s home to watch shows like Big Bang Theory, New Girl, and Law and Order: SVU. But recently, after reading through the majority of your book Hero, I have cut out all the shows that have even a hint of sexual immorality.
I didn’t want to do this alone. I also wanted to challenge us as a couple to remove those programs from our lives, but this decision was tough for my fiancé to accept at first because she said that media sensuality never affected her as it did me. Since she wouldn’t turn them off, whenever one of these shows came on, I simply left the room, consistently, but without argument.
The good news is my fiancé is starting to understand, and has decided to join me in removing this sexual impurity from our lives, but she told me she has to go about it at her pace, which I understand. However, I’m already moving ahead full-speed on this, because it is really starting to bear fruit in my life. I want you to know how much it has helped in the struggles I have at night. You see, I have been waking up in the middle of the night with intense desires to masturbate for the last couple of years, but since I began cutting these programs out of my life there are no images in my mind that bring arousal, and I feel so much stronger and powerful in being able to overcome the temptations in my life, even when I’m asleep. The temptations are disappearing.
All this really reassures me of my masculine identity in Christ. Thank you so much for your challenging words and practical advice!

My Girlfriend’s Response To Hero was Unbelievable

I want to tell you that book Hero is absolutely awesome. I have learned so much from it! I talked with my girlfriend about some of the things that happened in the past between us, physically, as I wasn’t the best leader and I wasn’t much of hero to her. I discovered through prayer and through your book Hero that its never impossible or too late to humble yourself and apologize and to make things right and to set guidelines. I couldn’t believe the response I got from her. THANK YOU FOR THAT AWESOME BOOK.

Every Man’s Marriage is “Incrediblly Encouraging”

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for your transparency, honesty, and most importantly the integrity shown through your openness. I am currently reading “Every Mans Marriage” as a way of preparing myself to be a husband. I have read most of EMB (although I’m sure it would be very beneficial to go back and revist what has been read as well as continue with the book) and knew I could count on Christ to move and speak through the text by way of you and Steve’s words. I can’t stop reading this book. It’s incredibly encouraging and eye opening and full of Love. Not like a lot of Chrisitan books or advice on marriage that is more of an approach to it that says “Well get ready, it’s hard and it’s gonna suck but if you love your girlfriend then it’s worth it because you can both have a hard time together.”
While I feel your book is very accurate and honest and doesn’t present marriage as all good vibes all the time, it’s presented in a way that makes me long for intimacy with my girlfriend and excited to be preparing to serve her in marriage as we walk towards oneness together not only in the times of great joy but in the times when we have to move through hurt or turmoil. Thanks man, just thanks. God bless you for the man God has grown you to be and for sharing that.