Finding Authentic Manhood

I am going to be twenty in August and have been hooked on porn since I was ten. I was introduced at such a young age that I was masturbating before my body even could ejaculate. I ended up having sex with three women altogether over the course of high school and my first semester in college and was ashamed and guilty, regretting all three because I knew I used them selfishly. I never realized until a year or two ago how much future damage I was causing myself emotionally, spiritually and physically to my relationships, marriage, etc. I was such a hypocrite and so sick and tired of it that I finally started making incremental changes in my life, but it wasn’t enough I’d always fall back into my old ways. Dropping out of the fraternity at my college last spring was the first big starting point, though, and I also decided to make my faith my own by joining two Christian groups on campus, reading my Bible daily and attending church regularly. I was given the Every Young Man’s Battle book by my Young Life leader last spring and I hadn’t read it yet, primarily because I was putting it off, because I knew that after I read it I would want to change, and there would be no more porn for me or masturbating.
I finally decided to read it this summer while I was in Africa for three weeks on a mission trip to spread the gospel and talk about human trafficking. I never even thought I was going to read it at all on this trip, but for some reason I just sub-consciously thought to bring some reading material for the plane ride and it was one of the books I grabbed. When I started reading it, I couldn’t put it back down.
I love books written in this style. It’s as if we were actually sitting down speaking to one another. I’ve tried many other things to help such, as accountability websites and partners. I even told my close friends, but we all struggled with it, so whenever one person went down, we all would because then we would know we would get a “freebie”. I was never all in or fully committed to stopping until now. This book is the best of its kind, and I’ve taken so much from it. I’ve recently realized deeply that no worldly thing (drugs, sex, porn, girlfriends, alcohol, etc.) can fill the hole in all our hearts, that feeling where you just know something is missing. It’s a loneliness that nothing of this world can satisfy. If nothing from this world can satisfy it then we know that the only thing that can satisfy our pit in our soul is something not from this world. That something is Jesus Christ and His love and grace for us and our intimate relationship with God.
After reading Every Young Man’s Battle, I’m so excited to fully integrate my sexuality into my life and I’m ready to be a hero to my future girlfriends or girlfriend and leave them better off if we ever part paths. I’m ready for purity and I know this was God’s perfect timing for me to read this. It has been three weeks already having not watched any porn and I’ve began training my eyes to bounce. The bondage is already definitely being lifted, and although I’m sad I had to learn the hard way, I’m not wallowing in shame and guilt anymore. I’m inexplicably excited to be an authentic man for God, my future wife and kids. I only just wish I read this when I was much younger. I also can’t wait to have my brother read this next, and I’m buying the Every Young Woman’s Battle for my sister, andn I’m undoubtedly going to go through both of these books one day with my girlfriend. God bless you and your family, Fred! I’m looking forward to checking out your books, Tactics and Hero, next.

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2 Responses to Finding Authentic Manhood

  1. Clark Runge says:

    Hi Fred. I want to read your book over the Internet to those that are in hospitals and that are shut in at home. I want to have your permission to do so. I think your books are what the churches need to hear. So I would like to read your book over the Internet live. Thanks in Advance. God Bless

    • fredstoeker says:

      I do not own the rights to the books anymore. The rights are owned by the publisher, WaterBrook Press. If you want to get permission, they are located in Colorado Springs.

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