Why Couldn’t I Say No?

I read your book Every Young Man’s Battle after I started to struggle with the sexual boundaries of my girlfriend. What you said helped for awhile, but soon the pressure I put on her got so bad that she broke up with me and said she never wants to be with me again.  I know it was my responsibility to say no and to protect her boundaries. Even in the moment, even as I pressed in, I knew it was wrong. So why couldn’t I say no?  I respected this girl so much outside of her bedroom, but whenever we were alone, I pushed her too far. I am now reading your follow-up book Hero, and it has helped shape my thinking. I now realize just how much I hurt my girlfriend, but I can never take that hurt away.  Comment:  Every Young Man’s Battle is a book about maintaining boundaries within the context of one. It is about staying pure when you are by yourself, staying pure in the meditation of your heart. It isn’t designed to help a guy with his sexuality in the context of two, while dating. Dating brings all kinds of new pressures. Hero is the book designed to help guys get the mindset necessary to stay sexually pure, even when dating. You can defend your girlfriend and be the hero she needs. But you have to retrain your thinking about sex and its place in your relationship and in your views on manhood. If you don’t do that, you’ll never leave the girls you date better off for having known you. You will always be stealing things that aren’t yours, and you’ll leave them worse off spiritually and relationally, every single time. I ought to know. I left every girl I ever dated worse off for having dated me. Gratefully, God’s grace can turn things around in a single generation. My son and co-author of Hero, Jasen Stoeker, left every single girl he knew better off for having known him. What a great record! God is amazing.

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