What If You’ve Already Failed with Your Girlfriend?

Question: How do you quit moving into sexual sin with your girlfriend when you’ve already crossed the lines in your relationship already?  I want to get our relationship  back into purity, but my girlfriend doesn’t agree with me and doesn’t want to stop doing the physical things.  What am I to do? I don’t want to hurt her.

Answer: This is one of those situations where there is no painless answer, because someone is going to get hurt no matter what you decide. If you decide to do it your girlfriend’s way, you are going to hurt your relationship with God and you are going to hurt your development as a man and as a true spiritual leader. If you decide to stand firm on purity, your girlfriend’s feelings may be hurt and she may decide to leave you. 

First of all, you need to understand that real men make decisions based upon who they are and based upon the content of their character. Real Christian men have their character lined up with the Word, so they make decisions based not upon emotions or their feelings, but upon what the Word says. If the Word is clear, they don’t struggle with the decision or pray more about it. They do what the Father says should be  done. If they don’t, their character as men begins to weaken, and they open themselves up to relationships that end up in messy ways and that hurt everyone involved in the long run, even if in the short run they’ve saved a girl from a little pain.

In a case like this, there isn’t much confusion as to what the question really is here, once you sweep away the emotions involved:  Do I love God and my obedience to His Word more than I love my girlfriend, or do I love my girlfriend more than I love God? This simplifies things a lot. What decision, then, must be made?

Simple. If your girlfriend doesn’t agree with God’s Word on this matter of sexual purity, then no matter what your feelings say about your love for her, she isn’t the one God has picked out for you. She can’t be. You needn’t wonder about it or pray about it any further. His Word has already revealed His answer on this, as you are not to be unequally yoked together in a dating relationship like this. It can’t be His will for you to be together. Your purity and your obedience to your Father, as His son, is too important to Him. It can’t be His will to put you with a girl that is going to steal your purity and that will weaken your relationship with Him.

Furthermore, remember this: God can’t bring you the right girl as long as you are desperately hanging on to the wrong one. In a situation like this, you need to break up and move on. She may get hurt, but that’s not your fault. In truth, you aren’t the one inflicting the pain. She is the one that is inflicting the pain on herself by consciously disobeying God’s Word as a Christian. If she would obey God and move towards Him in this, she wouldn’t get hurt. Every person hurts themselves when they sin, and this is just another example of that. She must make her decisions about obedience, and you must make your own. You can’t control her decisions, but you can control your own. Don’t ever be more concerned about hurting her feelings than you are about hurting God and your relationship with Him. If you need further encouragement to stand strong for purity while dating, the book Hero would be a useful book for you to read.

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